Showing posts with label Gene Clark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gene Clark. Show all posts

Thursday, April 21, 2011

McCartney or the Age of "Dad-Rock"



It was recently brought to my attention that a friend of mine once termed my taste in music as “dad-rock,” a term that would horrify anyone, let alone a great appreciator of music such as myself. At first, I felt a pang of anger, then a sense of quiet, while I wondered if it were true or not. After a few moments I decided that this friend of mine might just be correct.

As I thought back, I tried to figure out how I had come to this point.  In elementary school (5th and 6th grades specifically) I listened to Puff Daddy, Ma$e, Wu-Tang Klan, Notorious B.I.G., the required Oasis, The Wallflowers and assorted 90’s one-hit wonders like Deep Blue Something. Then, in junior high, I listened to scattered tracks and singles (Stone Temple Pilots “Down”? Me First and the Gimme Gimmes?) and slowly focused on jam band music.  In high school, my jam bias continued as I went to see Phish, String Cheese Incident, Yonder Mountain String Band, and Phil Lesh and Friends in concert. While this happened, I was slowly beginning to unravel the stories, themes and eras of Rock History.  Tenth grade brought heavy study of Led Zeppelin, Lou Reed, the Velvet Underground and the Beatles. That last one ultimately leading me into my first truly psychedelic summer between 10th and 11th grades as I religiously watched the Beatles Anthology on our old Laserdisc player in my bedroom. The following year was when I started making greater strides as I discovered that I loved Wilco, the Super Furry Animals, the Flaming Lips, Supergrass, the Stooges, as well as honing a truly deep love of the Rolling Stones that extended beyond the singles or a Hot Rocks CD. This year also brought the huge influence of the Strokes, the White Stripes and the Hives (I loved the Stooges and the Stones so obviously this made sense). I can recall one landmark haul back from the record store during this time: Plastic Ono Band, Beggar’s Banquet, Raw Power, The Kinks are the Village Green Preservation Society, Something Else, and Veni Vidi Vicious.

My senior year brought even deeper research into the rock canon (though I was still no Lane Kim). I picked up the first two Big Star albums, Pet Sounds, All Things Must Pass, Mutations. I was known to blast Their Satanic Majesties Request as I rolled into my high school parking lot as well as telling people all about this “new Dylan,” someone called Connor Oberst (goo!) who called himself Bright Eyes. I burned copies of Lifted or the Story is in the Soil for my friends and left countless CDs scratched and laying around the floor and back part of my 1992 Chevy Blazer.  All of this was being done while still listening to a heavy dose of Phish’s epic 1993 tour and plenty of Grateful Dead bootlegs.

I floated through that summer on 17 year old romance and sexual fumbling along with a lot of listens to the Dead’s Blues for Allah out by my pool at twilight.  I also listened to the Beatles Anthology 3, which was some kind of soothing accompaniment for my friends Chris and Dan after long, tiring days working in my dad’s warehouse.  When I finally got to college, after supplying an initial psychedelic experience for my dorm, I decided that I was going to enter my “1968 phase.” That meant, no more psychedelia, nothing but booze and the basics of life.  Well, I still indulged in the Zombies’ Odessy and Oracle, but picked up the first two Gram Parsons albums, Notorious Byrd Brothers, Sweetheart of the Rodeo, and listened to a lot of Big Star as well as Friends, Wild Honey, Sunflower and Surf’s Up by the Beach Boys.


The next fall, I came to school in full fledged country mode, carrying a bag full of Merle Haggard and Hank Williams records, the first two Flying Burrito Brothers albums, White Light and No Other by Gene Clark, Dylan’s Nashville Skyline, the Band’s first three albums, The Basement Tapes and Rainy Day Music and Country Town Hall by the Jayhawks. Hell, I was also giving Dylan’s Desire plenty of spins and that has the most visionary, William Blake, country song of all time on it in “Isis.” I had country radio shows in both semesters of my sophomore year and also in my junior year, completely reveling in the back woods sensibility that much of upstate New York could offer.

And so I continued on in this manner. Country music slowly turned into roots rock music and all of a sudden I was expounding on why the J. Geils Band were better than Bruce Springsteen or why Todd Rundgren was as influential as any songwriter ever or that perhaps Paul McCartney had the best solo career out of any of the Beatles. Then, as I said, friends starting terming my music taste as “dad-rock.” What this stems from is a feeling or imagery that warm, rootsy music has always conjured up in me. I have successfully tied this feeling to one specific image:

The first night of my freshman year at college, one acquaintance of mine from high school, who was a sophomore, offered to take me around for the night. I’d known him distantly enough in high school to know he was funny, nice and had enough alternative interests that I might feel comfortable hanging out with him without any intermediary friend. So, on a still, warm, September night, I walked over to his dorm room where he introduced me to his suite mates who were playing beer pong in a dorm room that was much more intricately and creatively setup than mine, which told me that they must also be sophomores or juniors. After drinking a beer or two and maybe a shot of Jagermeister, my high school acquaintance said, “Let’s go to this girl’s room.”


We walked to another one of the flat, brick dorms on the campus and climbed the stairs to the third floor. My acquaintance turned into a suite and we walked in an open room where this girl lived. The room smelled immediately of a girl.  It was a mix of from some very sweet perfume, herbal shampoo and fresh air from the still open window—you could hear crickets. The girl was tall and athletic looking. She had tan skin and freckles around her nose and on her cheekbones, though not on her cheeks. Her face was framed by straw-colored hair that suggested the end of her first college summer where she had perhaps had a summer fling with some guy at some idyllic beach town where her family summered. She was pretty and I immediately thought I was better than the fictional guy I assumed she had slept with on summer evenings.  She seemed to be getting ready to go out.

“Fixing yourself up, you skank,” my acquaintance said. I realized he was teasing but still didn’t like it.

“Did you even get laid this summer?” She shot back.

“Too much.”

The girl laughed.

“This is Matt,” my acquaintance said. “He’s a freshman. He went to my high school.”

“Hi,” she said, clearly not interested in my presence. “Sit down. Do you want rum?”

“Sure,” I said. She gave me the rum and I drank it.

She and my acquaintance continued to talk and I tried to keep up, but there was no way a freshman like myself could follow the banter of two college friends who had just reunited after summer vacation. Also, my attention was completely drawn to the room itself. It was a narrow, single dorm room, but the girl had lofted her bed into the window seat and placed a couch along the wall where the bed had been. Across from the couch was a desk with her laptop and also a stereo perched close to the foot of the bed. White Christmas lights where strung around the top of room and instead of using the fluorescent overhead light, she had globed Asian lamps of different sizes hanging from the ceiling and opportune spaces on the walls.  There were red and gold tapestries stretched across the ceiling and over the space for her closet. Then I realized there was music playing. At that time, I had never listened to Carole King, but in my memory the music was Carole King or something that sounded similar.  That 70’s recording sound: soft and immediately upfront, a piano playing chords that would be corny, if they weren’t so poignant; and shuffling drums whose round sound seem almost impossible when heard on good speakers. There was something about that room, which at the time seemed extraordinary, and being in the presence of an older college girl during my first semester in college that stuck with me. It was as if the whole scene turned to sepia, or if translated to art or a photo, would be captured in that color.

That idea of sepia still remains in a vision I try to bring into the world—I feel as though one could make their entire life feel and look like the worn, cardboard cover of a great 1970’s vinyl.  A friend of mine once called me “The King of Sunday,” by which he meant that I always organized Sunday barbeques and dinners where we listened to records all the way through and drank beer or something else and slowly all the color of the room turned to something sepia, or felt that way.

What this all leads me to is a sort of small, but important epiphany I had a month or so ago while riding the subway and listening to Paul McCartney’s first solo album, McCartney.  McCartney is in many ways the archetypal “dad-rock” album, because it is ostensibly an album about being a father and a husband and not necessarily part of the biggest rock band of all time. Many of the songs are half-songs or the melodies just seem to appear and then just as quickly disappear, such as “The Lovely Linda,” “Junk” or even “Momma Miss America,” which basically defines “lo-fi” and lays some fundamental groundwork for Pavement.  The album basically breezes by.  The hits are there, such as “Teddy Boy,” “That Would Be Something,”  “Every Night,” and “Maybe I’m Amazed,” but before you know it the album is over. You are not left moved or blown away, but you feel something strange, some warmth—a feeling that things are in their right place.


As I was riding the subway, I realized that McCartney is the prototypical Sunday album. You put the album on while you are mopping the floor or sweeping. You put it on loud while you are cooking breakfast and the sound of eggs and bacon frying in the pan threatens to drown out the music. Then, you leave it playing softly after you’ve finished eating and you’re leaning back on your couch, listening to a friend talk about the problems in her relationship as you rip off small crumbs from a toasted piece of good, thick bread. Or, while the beer bottles are lined on the coffee table and the sun has completely set out your back windows, and the light from the lamp in your den glints off the brown glass and things seem hazy and opaque; when the smell of cooked steak still lingers in the air and along the painted walls and you sit firmly with your friends, knowing that work is out there tomorrow and there’s nothing that’s going to stop it except your desire to get as close as you can to what you want—you leave the album playing.  You run through “Singalong Junk” and its pretty and delicate and effortlessly melodic and then you reach “Maybe I’m Amazed.” You’ve heard it so many times on the radio and know how sappy and syrupy it is, but Paul let’s his voice roar, squeak and falsetto, while the piano rumbles along and he does his best Ringo impersonation to propel the song along. It’s extremely predictable, just like any Sunday, but sometimes that’s exactly what matters—that’s where the memory sticks.

So, I’ve made my way through rock history. I’ve chased down sepia visions and continue to attempt to emulate the faded and loved cardboard of an old vinyl in my everyday life.  I listen to overproduced or perfectly produced 1970’s roots rock or Paul McCartney albums and drink a beer with the full understanding of why the act of drinking a beer is so great—the full appreciation of the action of the beer and not even the beer itself.  And I keep my apartment neat and even take pride in beating out a dusty rug.  I’m past the 1968 of my life now and into something else. I listen to dad rock, but I’m not a dad.  If all those things are bad, then too bad I like it.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Thursday

Ah, remember those Thirsty Thursday college nights? Yeah, I don't really either - forget about 'em.  This is just a little link post to get us into the weekend.  The Super Bowl is coming up on Sunday and a snow storm (somewhat?) is supposed to hit tomorrow night.  I'll hopefully be doing some more sketch filming this weekend if the weather permits.  I will also be enlisting the help of any local Italian deli to provide me with a submarine sandwich for the Super Bowl.  I know just the place, Graham Avenue Meat & Deli, although the Lorimer Street Meat Market is just as good.  Anyway, after the super-serious Gene Clark post from yesterday, we will be moving back to basketball with my play-by-play of the 1992 NBA All-Star Game.  I know how I'll be spending my next day off from work.

Two new links to point out.  The first is my old college roommates band, the Sanctuaries.  You can find a link to his music on the side - his name is David Stern.  However, now he has a band he is playing out with and you can find them listed as the Sanctuaries.  They played at Brouar Falls on Grand Street last Sunday and should be playing at Cake Shop on February 25.

The second is my friend Emily Schenkein and her excellently (read, perfectly) titled blog - Piles of Fruit and a Fully Stocked Bar.  There may be a reference there I am missing, but I love the name anyway.  Check her blog out because it is very good.  You like interesting people right? World's Coolest Dude 2007 wouldn't lead you wrong, right?

On a personal note, keep any eye out because I entered the manuscript of From Here to the Last Mound of Dirt into the Amazon CreateSpace Breakthrough Novel Contest.  This is for a shot at a book deal with Penguin.  The first round of judging begins next  week so I may be able to post some feedback up here.  We will see.

Anyway, stay tuned for the new material that I am always bringing to the table.

Now, the next installment of From Here to the Last Mound of Dirt.

Ben

Yes, I’m on the floor.  I feel the drool coming out of my mouth onto the floor.  It’s moist there already.

“You been kissin’ girls, Connor?  God knows Benny’s kissed a few.”

He was a strong and funny old man.  A little too hard on Connor, though.  He used to slap his back and you could hear that slap.  Thock. Hulpth.  A smack is supposed to be fleshy, but this was hollow. 
Here are the girls now.  My blondie on the left and Rose reincarnated on the right.  Is it too soon for reincarnation?  She couldn’t be reincarnated anyway, because she already was.  She is.  So then maybe I’ll look forward to a flower coming off of a tree, or an especially beautiful shepard dog, or perhaps a girl who is too young and sweet for me – like her - will pass me on the street one day from now.  That’ll be ten years or maybe even one hundred years from now and it’ll be her, hair riding behind her, a small wave and that slow creeping smile, like the fade-in of a piano on mono speakers.
“Dad, are you alright,” I hear Liza say.  She kneels down right above me.  I can feel her.  It’s funny how you can feel your own children, its like that organ inside of you is a radar, that glowing recognition of yourself out in the world – a full entity beyond you and inside of you forever. I smell a freshness, something like dirt.  It smells like a moist night by the harbor.  It’s Mags.

“Mags,” I hear myself mumble. “Dance Maquokeeta! Play piano man play!”

“What, dad?” I hear her. “Looks like the damage has been done old timer.”

“Shh, Maggie. I ain’t that old.”

“Not that old, did you say? Maybe not.  But I can think of maybe one of your organs that is.”

I hear the touch of fabric.  It was like a slap.

“Just grab his other arm-pit,” it’s Liza little sing-song.

When dad used to slap Connor on the back it was because he saw something womanish in him.  It was because he was so close to mom.  He must’ve had a few and walked in on Connor confessing his soul’s purpose to mom one of those nights they used to sit at the table after dinner picking at scraps of chicken, or dipping bread in the vinegar at the bottom of the salad bowl.  He was going to be a poet-doctor, like William Carlos Williams.  He was just sensitive and found himself around girls like mom, whether it was at school or at the altar with Erin.

“You looked like sunshine up there,” I said.

“That was weak for such a cunning wordsmith,” Erin said.

“And you,” I turned to him.  He looked handsome.  A little too thin for his tuxedo, but looking suave, pushed back and relaxed like he always did.

“Thank you, Ben.”

He put his hand on my shoulder.  The younger one got married first.  I feel pressure underneath my pits.  My wings are lifting. Praise be to⎯

“Just pull him up, Liza.”

“I am.  Maybe we’re not that strong?”

“What the hell is that clicking noise?”

“It’s the record player I think.”

“Oh yeah.”

I feel my arms hit the rug. 

“Oops.”

“I think I’ll get James.”

“Damnit.  We can do this without him.  The two of us.  Get his legs. I’ll get the armpits.”

I want to laugh but my mouth doesn’t want to.  I was always ticklish down at my ankle.  When Rose found out she was unmerciful! 

“Is that his tickly little ankle?” She talked to me like I was baby.

“No no no! What’s the ransom?”

“Tell me how much you love me.”

“I thought a girl like you didn’t need to be remindahahoo.”  I rolled back on the bed.  She leaned over me.  Her hair covered her face and she moved it.  Her breasts dangled.

“All girls need to.” She ran her fingers gentler.  Five feathers along my bones.

“OK OK.  But what if I have no words?”

She stopped and looked down at me. She kissed me.  She kissed me hard.  Then she pulled away.  Our lips and eyes only so far apart.  Silence, sheets, the smells of our bodies, her breath beginning to turn before bed but I loved it.  I loved it!

“I’ll invent something new.”

I feel myself lifted.

“We got it, Liza. We got it.”  Mags again.  Ah, its always about the girls.  Now its these two.  First my mother who feared God and I feared her and stuck to the shadows where you could curse and didn’t have to be controlled, didn’t have to keep your foot above the break.  Then it was the faces and tinkling music of girls at school, passing passing always passing skirts and jackets.  Then Rose.  She was nothing but – what?  She was everything.  I  saw her from all angles.  I saw her bleed, I saw these girls come out of her.  What was Rose but all colors and all girls and all lights and all clothings and every album and song that I ever loved?  She was that touch on a piano key that makes you think you could live forever.  Do I still have it?  Do I still have it in me to live forever?  Or is that gone with my stitching?  Is all my fabric bleeding out all over this house?  My blood, piss, and half-oxidized alcohol.

The girls at school:

    Connor and Benjamin O’Donnell,
    They were born with their heads in the bottle.

“Just down the hall.  We’ll take a break at the stairs.”

“I’m losing grip on his ankle.”

“Right here, c’mon.”

Now it’s these two.  My blondie and my – my Mags.  I can see Liza ahead of me a litle blurred holding two logs. My legs.  I lean my head back.  Mags’ blurred face, a little point in there on her chin.  Like Rose of course.  I lay my head on my chest and keep my eyes closed.  I’m riding out to sea.  I’ll let myself explode like a Cutty Sark.  I’ll try to live forever.

“Ok, here.”

Thud. Ow!  Right by the fucking ass!

“Oops.”

“What the hell was that?” I hear James.

“Well big – little brother.  Here’s your everloving father.  I think we may need your help hoisting him the rest of the way.”

All my children are here.  My wife is dead.  But where is Tom?  And what is tomorrow anyway?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

No Other or The Story of the Story of Departure

Late one night this week, I was listening to this song “Boats” by this band Spring and thinking about departure, because, well, the song is about departure.  I was thinking about departure and about the feeling of a rainy night in April; one of those first mild nights, when you realize that the leaves are back because you can hear the rain pat from one leaf to the next as it falls to the ground.  The sure-fire passion and burning anguish of those cold, thin, winter nights are gone and all that is left is the cool mild air and the feeling that it is all coming back again – the insects, the long nights, the birdcalls, the dirt and scrapes on your knees, that comfort of pushing up your sleeves with a perspiring bottle of beer in your other hand.

When I think of all of this, I see the streets of the neighborhood I grew up in – the sand lined streets, with old colonial and Cape Cod homes butting up against oddly placed late 80’s architecture.  Because what are our childhood homes but the symbol of departure, the image that we use to draw the word and give it meaning to us.  Our childhood homes – not only being places of comfort and inestimable light, warmth and longing – are those places where we can draw forth the life into phrases like, “That’s why I’m this way,” or “That’s what I’m going to do,” or “That’s what I was going to do.”  It is from there we were bound to leave and to there we are destined to gaze when measuring what we don’t have, when measuring our levels of depravity, insomnia, imagination and longing.

"What the hell does this have to do with Gene Clark?  Where are you taking us Domino?"  Well this all has plenty to do with Gene Clark and his album No Other, which opens with one of my favorite songs, “Life’s Greatest Fool.” This is one of the funniest serious songs of all-time.  Now, I don’t reveal too much about myself personally on this blog, but this song in tone and lyric truly nails what I imagine my personality to be.  I’ve said that Gene Clark’s version of “Tears of Rage” is the sound of my soul to one unlucky listener a long time ago, which was actually ages ago (O, hyperbole!), but “Life’s Greatest Fool” taps the nail on the head.  It lopes along amiably with nice slide guitars, tinkling piano and mid-70’s backing singers.  Yet, underneath this lolling dog appearance, Gene Clark delivers some of his most poignant lyrics, lines like, “Do you believe deep in your soul, that too much loneliness makes you grow old?” or “Words can be empty, though filled with sound,” or  “Formed out of pleasure, chiseled by pain, never the highest, never the last one to gain” and “Children laugh and run away, while others look into the darkness of the day.” None of these lines is as pleasant as the galloping honky-tonk on coke rhythm and the last line may even sound like leftover 60’s sentimentality (images of children, etc.), but it’s the last images that strikes true with the rest of the rambling I put above.

This image of children looking into the darkness too reminds me – perhaps obviously – of the neighborhood where I grew up.  These lines suggest the sun setting over the harbor water while I’m standing on one of the slow rising streets up to my home.  But like I said earlier, that vantage point will always be departed from, it is only that image that allows a word like departure to even have meaning for me – for us – because I know what it is to move away from that point  into a perceived loneliness, into a darkness, which is just a departure, which is a change, which is a leaving of something behind.  Now, was Gene Clark trying to say any of this when he wrote the song? No, probably not.  But when he asks if you believe deep in your soul, that too much loneliness makes you grow cold, he sings it like he means it and that’s what makes my imagination move.  Was Gene going through hard times when he wrote this song? Maybe. The album is overproduced to a certain unintentional perfection and  it sounds and feels like a night on coke (credit Allmusic).  But those children looking into the darkness of the day are the ones growing old, they are the ones feeling loneliness at the word departure – at the images they carry with them of a girl on the beach by the reeds with three beer bottles dug into the sand, the kissing stalled at a stop sign, remembering to keep your foot on the break, of the runny nose end of a football game at twilight in late October.

This is an album about bottoming out so of course we’re going to be looking back from whatever apartment we’re in, from whatever art we’re trying to make, or from whatever love we’re trying to find meaning in and think about the departure.  “We all need a fix at a time like this, but doesn’t it feel good to stay alive,” Gene says in “Some Misunderstanding” amid more of that tinkling piano, throbbing round bass, and those damn 70’s backing vocals that make it all that much more dense (the drums on this album are pretty universally outstanding the whole way through). Elsewhere in the song he says that “maybe someone knows what fate is” and “maybe someone knows just why/All I know is its all connected/Maybe someone can explain time.”  Obviously these are the words of someone – a singer, a character – who has fallen off.  But they are also somewhat commonplace questions that we all ask when we’re looking for some kind of answer of identity.  The you of your childhood neighborhood is not the same you as now and maybe you feel bad about that, but maybe there is some kind of fate, maybe there is someone who can explain time, and maybe a fix can certainly help, but its probably better to just keep on going.  These are the things you think about when you think about departure, when you think of those old October evenings and the smell of fries and fried chicken from the neighborhood deli.


Even in the more upbeat country shuffle and pedal steel guitar of the next song, the “True One,” ol’ Gene realizes that “Changes come so quickly easily it can seem bizarre” and that “The longer you stay in one place, the harder it is to leave.”  Even though we lament our departure from whatever we thought we had or from whatever home we though there was, there is no chance we would have ever stayed.  We only have that place, we only have the word "departure" because we left.  When you walked those old streets and scuffed your feet on the pavement, you only had a vague outline of the word, but now you can use it and access its colors and shades because you’ve known it.  The changes are always going to come and you’ll always be left at the station or you’ll always leave someone at the station – because you just have to, otherwise what identity are you going to have for yourself?  What pain will you know? What words will you even be able to speak to tell someone you love them?  The longer you stay in one place, the harder it is to leave because there are more responsibilities to do the right thing and to be fair and merciful to those you know.  However, the truth is that the right thing to do is to help someone grow and often that means departing.

I’ll only go a little further in this exercise.  On the title track “No Other,” the main verse of the song says:

All alone you say 
That you don't want no other
So the lord is love and love is like no other
If the falling tide can turn and then recover
All alone we must  be part of one another


That verse sums the whole thing up very nicely.  We all carry some kind of belief that we are all alone, that we alone stay up scanning the nighttime sky and rooftops for some kind of satisfaction or peace – that calm that we so confusedly grasp for.  We don’t want anything else but what we want and we want someone else just as much as we want to be alone.  And at the end of the day we want that first word known to all men, so the lord is love and love is like no other because love is the love that loves to love the love that loves.  Yet, all alone, we must be part of one another, we must bow ourselves in the collective solitude of the universe and realize, as Joyce put it so eloquently in Ulysses, that “each imagines himself to be the first to enter, whereas he is neither first, nor only, nor alone in a series originating in and repeated to infinity.”

You may not enjoy Gene Clark’s sometimes nasally, but always yearning voice. You may not enjoy overproduced 70’s albums that have been relegated to a certain obscurity, although your corner coffee shop in Williamsburg does play it when you grab a cup on the way to work.  You may not enjoy a guy brow-beating you to death with meaning on his blog.  However, we are always in the process of departure and we can always remember those sensations of the rain on an April night.  Or, one winter afternoon, while you are running, you can see past the clumps of snow on the ground and see a street where the traffic has broken for a moment. The sun is high in the sky and its light spreads over the entire pavement and makes it appear completely gold for a minute – maybe not even gold, but some color you don’t have words for.  And even though you’ve been running and are exhausted, you see that clear piece of  shining road stretching as far as you can imagine, and even though you know the night will come with its cold and its snow, you feel like you could just run and run forever and never stop.  And maybe you can.  Neither Gene Clark or I is going to tell you otherwise.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What's New? Anything?


Ok, so I know I have promised a lot of new topics and things to be posted up here and I haven't delivered.  But at least I haven't just disappeared; at least I keep you hanging on and thinking that I'm going to put something new and exciting on here, that I'm going to pull a "I CAN'T BELIEVE DOMINO DID IT!" or "DOMINO DID IT AGAIN!" or "I LOVE THIS SHIT!"

I am slowly but surely leaving my current employment situation so I will have more time to add and devote to my ideas as I begin to contemplate what the next step is in my entire life.  I'll be working for three days a week from here on out and that will give me plenty of time to focus on my posts here and bring you better quality for your half-assed browsing and clicks. I'm just kidding, everything is full throttle.  I know that the people who look at this blog are seriously devoted to browsing and interpretative arts and writing.

Progress is being made, though.  Last weekend, the first video footage for the sketch series I have been talking about was shot.  The sketches are going to be broken up by themes and then delivered in approximately 15 minute episodes a piece.  The first episode is food themed.  Some more footage for the second sketch in the episode will be shot this weekend.  I think you will all be pleased with what you see.  I am taking all kinds of suggestions, so please feel free to give a shout.

Progress is also being made.  If you look on the side of my blog, where it has links,  I have added two blogs by the names of Postres de Abuela y Torres De Caramelo and Gas Tank is Full.  These are the blogs of two friends of mine from college.  I recommend checking them out and following the exploits.  That is if you are interested in interesting people and I mean you are looking at the blog of The World's Coolest Dude - 2007, so you gotta know your stuff.

Yet, again, the progression of progress.  Additionally, on my sidebar of links, you may have seen an old link to the myspace page of The Sights. This is a gem of a band that has been defunct since their last album in 2005.  They are releasing a new album in 2010 and are one of my favorites.  They have some new tracks up on their myspace and will be touring the New York area in February. I will be there, most patiently, progressively, certainly waiting.

Concurrently, the presentation of progress:

1. 2010 NBA All-Star Roster Breakdown (1/28/10)
2. Review of the Gene Clark Album "No Other" (1/30 or 1/31)
3. Play by Play of the 1992 NBA All-Star Game (2/1)
4. Mid-Week Update of Projects both Stupid and Sincere (2/3)
5. Rant on the style of Thomas Wolfe and his first novel "Look Homeward Angel" (2/4 or 2/5)
6. Further: Reviews of the novels "Fan's Notes" and "Family Album" and review of The Sights' last album "The Sights" (Week of 2/8)

Finally, progress was prevented.

Now, the next installment of "From Here to the Last Mound of Dirt":

Maggie

    My sister is a pretty girl.  She really is.  Prettier than I ever was, then I ever hoped to be when I tried to make a statement by chopping my hair short in high school.  She has this blondish hair that seems like it appeared out of nowhere.  But there was a grandma or an aunt in there who had it.  She wasn’t as beautiful as Liza.  She steps alongside me. Her hands rise and fall in rhythm with her feet.  Is that grace?  Is grace in a motion or is it in her moving with this light?  With the reflection that a still wet – drying – road can have.  If I had my camera, is that picture graceful or is it grace?  Where did Mary get off anyway?

    That’s right, she didn’t. That was the whole thing.  Is that where grace comes from?  That little garden that’s supposed to grow between my legs?

    “Are you still a virgin?” I ask.  I ‘m tempted.

    Liza turns towards me, a few strands of her hair streak across her face.  She has to brush them.
    “What?”

    “You know the question?”

    “I know it, but since when – you’ve never asked me something like that before.”

    I saw her born.  I saw them wipe the blood off her. The afterbirth is the word for the nasty stuff, but for a poetic and meaningful word it still sounds pretty disgusting.  I remember being embarassed of her.  “Your parents still have sex?”  But that look I saw in mom. I was old enough to see the change of face that a woman can have when she has a child.  I was changing then too.  I was starting to feel wombish, like we used to call it in college – like I feel now. But I was also changing in the fact that when  I saw mom I wanted to do something that I couldn’t describe.  I wanted to rage at the beauty of her look, of the beauty of the fact that my mother, who was mine, who I’d known so well, could look like that over another little girl.  That want, that feeling turned into me and my lens.

    Mom was full of grace and she spat out four kids.

    “I think it’s overdue,” I say to her.

“Come on, Maggie.”

“Ah, that’s disgusting!”

She laughs as she says it.  So I know she doesn’t care.

“We’re both adults here,” I say.  I take a poke at her.  She dodges.

“Fine.” We stop.  We’re right at the corner of Ridgeway and our slope.  I can feel the curve beginning under my feet. 

“I’m not,” she says.

I smile. “Good for you.”

“I don’t regret it.”

“Neither do I.”

She nods, taking my abstract meaning.  I only realize after the fact that its not pointed in the exact direction I want it to go, but who cares.  I’ve never explained myself before.  I let my pictures say what they had to say.  I hope they will speak for themselves.

“No,” a beard was starting to grow in. He was unbuttoning his white shirt for work. “I really love them.  I mean they are so humanistic.”

“Humanistic? Gross.”

He laughed barechested.  I liked the way his spare chest hair shaped his muscles. “There’s a pity in them.  Look at the lines on the hands in that one.  What I like is that these aren’t from some third world country, that they’re from a city that people hear about in the south of France being so glamorous, but at heart its really an ancient and medieval fishing city and these are our eternal signifiers of time never changing.”

I’m sprawled behind my photos on the bed.  I had one hand propping me up.

“You know, some say pictures evoking pity are weak.  That a good photo shouldn’t make the viewer feel a simple emotion like that, a base emotion.”

“Is pity base?”

“It’s pretty base.”

He laughed.

“Will you shave before we fuck?” I asked him.

    He kept them coming as he pulled on his sweatshirt.  He was becoming the boxer. 

    “Must you call it fucking, lover?”

    I fell into the pillow.  We’d just gotten over colds so the pillows were in two different cases.  We had to change our germs.  I fell into a faded purple flower pattern.

    “You know I hate that.”

    “Why, though?”

    I looked up, my face feeling pillow flattened.

    “You know why.”

    He shook his head and leant over the photos.  One hand touched my leg, petting it, the other fingers stretched out, their tips kissing the gloss.  That was a picture, zoom and focus.

    “No, I know about the lovers. Why about the pity?”

    “Because it attaches you to the subject instead of removing you, instead of taking in the entire shape, the form, the light.  High emotion comes from distance.”

    He shook his head again.  His hand stopped petting.

    “I like pity.  I like attachment.  I like dirty hands.”

    “Me too.’

    He looked up from the photos. He gave me his look of intent: lines above his nose between his eyebrows, his mouth straight, maybe upturned a bit but not as much as Mona Lisa’s.  His cheekbones strong, standing on the sides of his face like satellites in space.  They did mark out his face.

    “I’ll shave.”

    “There’s a light on,” Liza says as we come up to the house.

    “I think James and Eve are feeling frisky.”

    “Gross,” she says.

    “What? I’ve heard them fuck.”

    “Do you have to say it like that.”

    “Yes.”

    We walk quietly through the gate.  I enjoy the darkness of the lawn.  Part of me wishes that we could sit out in this darkness forever. My sister and I.  So far apart but made of the same stuff really.  But just opening that door means that tomorrow will begin.  How is that?

    Liza leads the way up the front stones.  She opens it.  I can’t see her hand but I hear the doorpetal – that’s right! That’s what she used to call it! – click and light shed onto the dark of us.  Eve happens to pass by.

    “Ben’s dead drunk.”

    “One of my old favorites,” I say. “Right up there with ‘Captain Jack.’”

    Eve doesn’t react.  She’s mad maybe at James.  Good for her, she should be.  I know she’s deep.  I almost smile thinking of her anger. Dead drunk.  Considering the circumstances, that’s pretty funny.

    “What’s he doing?”  Liza asks.

    Eve steps back and starts touching the bannister. She hooks her model arms around one of the thin and sculpted posts.

    “James found him asleep on the floor in his office.  He tried to bring him upstairs, but he won’t budge. He keeps mumbling, ‘Let  me stay and roll.’”

    I shake my head.

    “Where’s James?” Liza sounds concerned.

    “He’s upstairs.  He’s taking a break from trying to pull him up.”

    “Is he drunk?” I say.

    “Yes.”

    She bows a little – almost curtsies – and cuts in front of both of us.  She goes up the stairs.  Right before the ceiling I see her stoop down a little and use her hands to walk up. 

    “Come on, lover.” I walked on all fours up the stairs.

    “I thought you hated that.”

    “Not now when I’m in love with my lover.”

    Jake laughed and followed me up.  I sat on the top step.  The bathroom door behind me was open and a wet breeze blew through.  It was warm and not cool on my neck.  One thing is not the other. Jake leaned over me.  He was wearing a long sleeve shirt but I sould sense his muscles tighten as he held himself up in front of my face, just slightly above my nose.

    “How come we came when everyone was away?”

    “Just kiss me.”

    Eve disappears.  I look at Liza.

    “Well, non-virgin sister.  Let’s give the old man a pick-me-up.  We’ve got a big terrible day tomorrow.”

    Liza touches my hand.  With her other she strokes the ends of her hair a little bit.  Her whisps of hair that curl up and around her ear.  Mine doesn’t do that.

    “I love you," she says.  "But there’s nothing funny about all this.”

    “It’s not sad either.”

    “It isn’t?”

    “No.”

    She pauses and takes her hand off of mine.  Now she’s cross armed. I put my arm around her and start her walking down the hall.

     “C'mon," I say. "He’s still alive.”

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Getting There


Long week so far already.  All of the Haiti aftermath.  The end of the Democratic Filibuster, whatever that even meant or accomplished.  Tracey McGrady and Allen Iverson near the top of NBA All-Star voting (no knock on A.I. - I love the guy, am fascinated by him, one of my top five favorite players of all time, but its over).  My dog has gone and it makes me remember how much I miss a dog, but how much my life right now is not suitable for one.  Soon enough.

Soon enough, too, my time at my current job will end. This is my last full week.  So I've been busy wrapping much up there.  I will get you all new, good posts very shortly.   I'm trying to think of worthwhile things to put out there for you all.  I may have to fall back on music once again and write about Gene Clark.

I'll also hopefully be doing some filming this weekend for sketches and other material so look for that.

To bring this full circle, a friend of mine works for the International Rescue Committe and if you do happen to pass this space frequently or at all, help Haiti and her organization out by texting HAITI to 25383 to donate $5 to help the IRC offer medical care, water and sanitation aid to Hatians.

That's all from me and my pedestal for now.  We're getting there - soon.


Now, the next installment of From Here to the Last Mound of Dirt.


Liza
 
    “I’m sorry about that guy,” Maggie says to me.


    “Mike,” I say.


    She laughs, tilting her head back so that it brushes the top of the fence rail.


    “Yes, Mike.”


    We’re sitting on the wood fence opposite the Checkmate.  The wood is sturdy.  What kind are these fences made of?  Always thick and pointed at the ends to fit into the the slits of the posts.  I look over to the historical building behind us. It’s painted green.  I think it was some kind of school house during the colonies.  What wood is it made of?  It’s all slanted and I hated having to draw it in fourth grade.


    “Why’d you want to sit out here Maggie?” I ask.


    “I thought you said you didn’t mind.”


    “No, I don’t.”


    “I just wanted to take it in, take in the night.” She turns away.  Her hair flipping almost violently.  I follow her face.  It’s dark and she looks angry. Ultimately, there is something appealing about my sister.


    “Let’s just walk home,” I say. “Check on dad.”


    “He doesn’t need any checking on.”


    She’s terse and I’m hurt.  She’s acting like a bitch and we’ve never even spent enough time in the same place together for her to treat me like that.  We’re sisters, but who knew?


    “You said…”


    “No, you’re right.” She’s still looking back.  Her hair has taken over her face so that it looks like I’m talking to this impossibly full mass.


    “Alright, so let’s go.”


    “I always loved this field..  It’s not big, but its got a few noticeable slumps, there are the thin woods and then the farm beyond.  Have you seen it in the full moon?”


    I shrugged. “I think so.”


    “The way the light seems to come up from the grass, light given off by the earth and what that looks like.”


    She’s bonding with me.  Or she’s trying to.  I think she’s going though something like I’m going through something.  Our mother is dead.  And I don’t know how it could get any more profound than that, but maybe mom being dead is only the beginning.  I don’t know.  I just started college.


    “I think I know what you mean.”



    “What about the fog? Have you seen it in the fog?”


    “I’m sure.”


    “You can see and hear George Washington’s ghost,” she says, turning back.  She’s excited now, her hair illustrates her emotions. “I walked home from my friend Jen’s house one night.  I think it was midnight and I was only fourteen.  I had one cigarette.”


    “You got away with that?”


    She nods but she’s continuing. “I was a little nervous being alone.  But when I saw the fog I felt this great comfort.  You’d think I’d be scared, but it made my heart throb in a way I hadn’t known.  I mean, you know how boys make you feel then.”


    I laugh and look down at my sneakers. “Nervous and on fire.”


    She grabs my elbow so strongly that it hurts a little. “Right, and this was different.  Seeing the grass, the fog swirling past that old house, and feeling slightly cool but warm – it was like tonight – my heart became something new to me.”


    She turns towards me, her greenish eyes drawn.  She’s not frowning I see now.  She’s just concentrated.  I think she’s expecting an answer as she’s looking.  I don’t know if I have one.  So I stay quiet.


    “Have you learned to enjoy moments like that yet?”


    That pisses me off because its like she’s speaking to a child and I’m not a  child.  I’m eighteen and I’m not a virgin.  I let Shane fuck me in his TrailBlazer.  I wanted to call it making love, but it wasn’t.  I liked his short and thick black hair. I liked the little freckles on his nose, his body.  And that we could laugh sometimes – him more than me.  But I didn’t love him.  It was something I did.  That was a moment.  There were colors, grey, blue, orange numbers from the radio, a smell of some kind of cologne.  Even words. “I’m nervous.”  “Don’t be. I won’t fuck you over.”


    “I think I’m learning.”


    “Good.”


    We both sit silent.  Maggie has moved forward and she now stands leaning back.  Crickets are chirping and a bit of mist hovers on the grass.  Drunken stumbles and talk still come from the Checkmate.  Headlights turn on from the street and people drive away on these dark streets drunk.


    Now I want to piss my sister off.  Its not just pissing her off, I want to know something.


    “What happened to Jake?”


    She keeps her face forward and starts walking.


“Come on,” she says. “Lets go see Dad.”