The Comedy Wine Cellar

Matt Domino borrows a page from "The Sports Guy" Bill Simmons and constructs his own "Wine Cellar Team." Only instead of basketball players, he chose comedians.

I've been watching a lot of It's Garry Shandling's Show lately. As you know, I've already written about how much I love The Larry Sanders Show and how much I love Garry Shandling's brand of comedy—and trust me you are going to get a large rant on why It's Gary Shandling's Show is a work of genius—but today I want to use Garry Shandling, and how he makes me think of the tradition of stand up comedy, as a jumping off point for a concept column. See, I've been re-reading Bill Simmons' The Book of Basketball as well and in the book there is a chapter called "The Wine Cellar" where Simmons picks vintage years of specific players in an effort to make the most complete team ever. For reference, Simmons' team looks like this:

Starters:

PG - '87 Magic Johnson

SG - '92 Michael Jordan

SF - '86 Larry Bird

PF - '03 Tim Duncan

C - '77 Kareem Abdul Jabbar

Reserves:

PF - '86 Kevin McHale

SF - '92 Scottie Pippen

C - '77 Bill Walton

SG - '01 Kobe Bryant

SG - '09 Dwyane Wade

PG - '09 Chris Paul

SF - '09 Lebron James

SG - '01 Ray Allen

Now, my idea is to take this "wine cellar" concept and extend it to comedians. (Sidenote: you should read last week's New York Magazine article about comedy taste and sense of humor being the most important or attractive trait in a partner to millenials. I'll also be writing a large column on that in the near future.) I am going to take vintages of specific comedians and put them into a "starting five." We will then have seven reserves on the “bench.” I'll give a justification for each selection so you can see my crazy and ill-informed reasoning in full.

Before I jump into the roster and the justifications, I just want to thank you all ahead of time for indulging me in this little exercise because God knows this concept will be stretched quite a bit thin here.

Alright, let's dive in!

The Starting Funny Five:

PG - '94 Garry Shandling

SG - '84 Eddie Murphy

SF - '96 Jerry Seinfeld

PF - '95 Chris Farley

C - '76 Richard Pryor

Reserves:

PG - '96 Chris Rock (comes off as Sixth Man)

C - '03 Will Ferrell

PF - '11 Louis CK

SF - '80 Chevy Chase

PF - '85 Rodney Dangerfield

SG - '04 Dave Chappelle

SF - '84 Bill Murray

As you can see, much of the roster skews to post-1970 comedians, which is because I know more about those comedians and have lived through more of their standup and iconic moments/had more exposure to them via cable, the Internet and Netflix. Obviously, I understand how important George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Bill Cosby, Mel Brooks (my God, do I love Mel Brooks!), Buddy Hackett, Don Rickles, Steve Allen, Red Buttons, Red Foxx, Abbott and Costello and hoards of others were, but most of those guys were short, Jewish men and we needed to construct a somewhat plausible basketball roster here. I was also forced to leave off members of my beloved The State family of comedians because, while that comedy is dear to my heart and also ground-breaking, it doesn't give us the top of the top—a vintage performance or year.

Personally, the two biggest snubs I had to make were '80 John Belushi (we already had the evolutionary version of that Belushi vintage in the '95 Farley) and Phil Hartman. Hartman was one of the most gifted all-around comedic actors of all-time (just check the range of performances and uses Hartman had on SNL, The Simpsons, NewsRadio, House Guest, Jingle All The Way and notice how Hartman bring his "A-game" no matter the quality of the writing/project) and probably in my personal comedic Top Ten. However, he never had one truly vintage year when he was on top of the comedic world. Basically from 1987-1998 you would have wanted Hartman as a part of any collaboration you were working on, but you couldn't pick one stand-alone vintage year to take with you for memory.

Additionally, there were no women because, unfortunately, from what I have experienced, the transcendent female comics have never been able to shine as bright as the men, whether due to the format of the comedy, general sexism or sheer force of personality. Would I want to throw a '08 Tina Fey on there? Or a '78 Gilda Radner? Or, hell, even an underrated '89 Paula Poundstone? Sure I would, but those vintages aren't as bold or, as harsh as it might be, in the same galaxy as a 1984 Eddie Murphy or even a 1985 Rodney Dangerfield. I'm sorry. I love women. I love women comedians, but I have to be fair and honest about this team. The twelve male comedian vintages we have here just stand out above all the best female and male comedic vintages I can think of. If you disagree, please let me know because we are looking for truth on this site over anything else.

Now, for the explanations.

STARTERS:

PG - '94 Garry Shandling

At this point Shandling was in his 40's. He had already been the go-to host for the Tonight Show in the 80's; he had written episodes for classic sitcoms like Sanford and Son, Welcome Back, Kotter and Three’s Company; he'd had his own genre-shattering, groundbreaking meta-comedy series It's Garry Shandling's Show on Showtime; and he was two years into the method comedy of The Larry Sanders Show on HBO. In 1994, Shandling could handle and run any kind of comedy and, as The Larry Sanders Show proved, he was excellent at setting the table for others whether through writing, directing or acting. Just look at a classic Shandling silent reaction from The Larry Sanders Show sometime. Shandling sells the joke or other actor's line better than any other actor or comedian I have ever seen. By doing this, Shandling always raises the scene's comedy to another level. You absolutely wanted a 1994 Shandling running your comedy offense. He was not as explosive as an '87 Magic and not as slow as an '11 Kidd, but he was somewhere in the middle: he knew every facet of the comedy game, knew how to get others involved and still knew how to dazzle just a little bit.

SG - '84 Eddie Murphy

'84 Eddie has to take the "Jordan" spot on the team. Without a doubt he is your go-to guy. He could do anything comedically and was absolutely breathtaking to watch. Also, like Jordan, there was a certain grace or charm that Eddie operated with during 1984. Personality-wise,  '84 Eddie was like a cross between Magic and Michael. Like Michael, he just looks like the funniest and best comedian alive. And, like Magic, there is a sheer joy that emanates from '84 Eddie that is unparalleled. Watch Beverly Hills Cop again; the Eddie smile and laugh are infectious. By 1984, Eddie Murphy had made his case as perhaps inarguably the best SNL cast member up to that point. He'd saved the show from possible oblivion and then parlayed that feat into film success with 48 Hours and Trading Places. In 1983, Eddie released Delirious, which blew the mind of every comedian and every fan of comedy. 1984 Eddie was the best alive, no one was better. Kind of like a '91, '92, '93, '96, '97, or '98 Michael Jordan.

SF - '96 Jerry Seinfeld

The 1996 Jerry Seinfeld is the best comparison you can have for a multipurpose swingman who can also score in bunches when you need him to. Jerry had fantastic comedy fundamentals with a background as perhaps the most reliable stand-up comedian ever-you knew Seinfeld would always bring the observational goods. By 1996, he had turned that reliability into star power, as Seinfeld was a cross-cultural phenomenon and the most popular sitcom in TV history. His fundamentals had given way to inventive sitcom plots where he was also given "point forward" duties to set the table for the rest of the cast. The show revolved around Jerry just like you could revolve an offense around a reliable swing scorer. If defenses were doubling on '84 Eddie, you could throw it to '96 Seinfeld to get you points. Plus how great would it be to see '96 Seinfeld and '94 Shandling run the pick and roll? The whole sequence would be full of the glory of flowing, 1990's feathered, Jewish semi-mullets and the result would be automatic: an understated Shandling setup for a reliable Seinfeld baseline punchline finish. Pure comic precision.

PF - '95 Chris Farley

Who else would be our power forward? Farley was like the comedy world's version of a 1985-1990 Charles Barkley: he was completely explosive, surprisingly agile and, without a doubt, a force of nature. Once Farley was ad-libbing and rolling on a scene in 1995 he was like a young Barkley on the fast break—you were just not stopping him. And if you did try to stop him, you were going to get flattened. By 1995, everyone from Farley's SNL era openly agreed there was no one funnier than Farley. That admission comes from no less than a rising Chris Rock, near peak Sandler, Phil Hartman and an underrated Norm MacDonald. If you watch Farley on SNL from 1992-1994, he basically steals each scene he is in. The mere action of Farley moving or grunting in a sketch took it to another level. It’s actually startling. Farley from that era just oozes comedy out of every pore. You knew if you threw the ball to '95 Farley in the post that you were coming away with something good. Just watch Tommy Boy or Billy Madison again. He makes the most out of whatever he is given.

C - '76 Richard Pryor

Richard Pryor was a genius. He was also crazy. To over-extend this basketball metaphor once more, you weren't coming across the paint unscathed against a 1976 Richard Pryor. He was paranoid, on drugs, scarred by racism and thus racist himself and perhaps the most gifted comedic social observer of all-time. He also knew how to handle an audience like a late-70's-early-80's Kareem knew how to handle the paint. When you watch an old Richard Pryor stand up special on Netflix, pay attention to the cadence of his speech; its all colloquial jive and flow and then he pulls it together into a poignant impression, scene or punchline; and all of a sudden you realize you were laughing the whole time and that the scenario he just gave you was true, even if you have never experienced it first hand; and then you are filled with this inevitable buzz and warmth, which is what good comedy does. Pryor was a master of good comedy like Kareem was the master of the Sky Hook. Why the '76 vintage of Pryor above all others? He was the best stand up comedian alive, starred in Silver Streak and put out the comedy album Bicentennial Nigger, which was his fourth comedy album in three years (he'd already released the seminal, That Nigger's Crazy in 1974). He was the most marketable and electrifying black celebrity and was the most admired comedian as well.

RESERVES:

Sixth Man:

PG - '96 Chris Rock

You bring '96 Rock off the bench as the Sixth Man so you can give '94 Shandling a breather as well as to change the tempo. Where '94 Shandling was ultra-experienced and unorthodox, '96 Rock was explosive and dynamic. He would have been a starter anywhere else, but on this team he needs to fill the role of a peak era Manu Ginobli as a game-changer off the bench. Rock would push the tempo to speeds and directions nearly unacceptable as he was doing with his stand-up routine in '96. And once '96 Rock gets the crowd going with one of his mantra-like bits about women or race, you know that you will have the opposition on the ropes. There is no one you would want as your Sixth Man more than the 1996 Chris Rock.

C - '03 Will Ferrell

The year of Anchor Man is the vintage of Ferrell you'd want. He'd shone brightest on the turn of the millennium era SNL cast and had started out on his own as leading comedic movie actor. Anchor Man was a home run and is still hilarious and inventive to this day. In 2003, you could anchor (no pun intended) your offense around Will Ferrell. You take out Pryor and put in Ferrell. '03 Ferrell is not a master like '76 Pryor, but he's creative, a bit more dynamic and can catch you off-guard with his humor. Plus '03 Ferrell is less watered down and repetitive than later Ferrell vintages.

PF - '11 Louis CK

I've covered why the '11 vintage of Louis CK deserves to be on this team in the World's Coolest Dude 1911-2011 List, but I'll rehash a bit here. '11 Louis CK has plenty of force and inventive low post moves. When you want to slow down the pace and fool the other team with understated, emotional moves along the baseline, you go straight to Louis CK off the bench. Plus his two daughters come to each game and inspire his performance as well as the rest of the team.

SF - '80 Chevy Chase

The '80 vintage of Chevy Chase is a bit of a prima donna, but he has style and flair, doesn't flinch in the big moment and will deliver smart-ass remarks and punchlines better than anyone else. He's a perfect change of pace forward from '96 Seinfeld. '80 Chase has irrational confidence and is as elusive as they come. His performances in Caddyshack and as the first SNL celebrity justify this selection.

PF - '85 Rodney Dangerfield

You have to have one vintage of Rodney on any comedy team. He ties to the old-school fundamentals of stand-up comedy and delivers the one-liners that every comedy team needs. Though listed at PF, he's a three-point specialist (get it, one-liners are three-pointers?), so you put him in when you want to go big with '84 Murphy, '80 Chase, '95 Farley and '76 Pryor. He'll give you solid minutes with some electrifying shots from downtown, like the Triple Lindy in Back to School.

SG - '04 Dave Chappelle

He's as talented as an '84 Murphy, but lacks the same mental toughness. You can play he and '84 Murphy along with '76 Pryor down low when you want to overwhelm the other team with impressions, storytelling and overall racial poignancy. You have '96 Rock running the point and then '95 Farley there for all the put-backs and grunting, falling, dirty work.

SF - '84 Bill Murray

It was a tough call between a seasoned Groundhog Day '93 Murray and the younger '84 Murray. You have to go with the younger legs on this way, as well as the fact that Murray still had one foot still firmly planted in the "total weirdo" category. The '84 Murray has top-notch smart ass skills as Ghostbusters shows us, plus he is still sharp with SNL still in the recent past. However, you can use '84 Murray to get in the other team's head with his Caddyshack and general weirdness still present. He fits the '96 Rodman or '08 Artest mold.

So there you have it. That is my Comedian Wine Cellar. I think you could go with any one of those comedians and have yourself a damn good time. And when you put them together in this sort of fictional basketball team format, well, hell, you just can't lose. Now, instead of thinking about how much time I wasted writing this or about how much time you wasted reading it, go out and be funny, really truly funny like these guys would want you to be. The world deserves as much.

Oh, and don't worry about me; I'll have another hyper-serious, metaphysically literate post for you sometime very soon.